A special funeral

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A guest post by Sue Goodrum, Civil Celebrant

How many of us think about our death? It’s not an easy subject for most of us to consider.  If we did though; wouldn’t we want a funeral specially made for our family and friends to say goodbye in a way that we would like them to remember us? Wouldn’t we want a ceremony that reflects our passions, loves, interests and philosophies?

Many of us may not want a full religious service; some of us may want a ‘mix and match,’ a hymn, good music, maybe a prayer, maybe none of this. How about a poem, some jokes and heartfelt words? Some of us feel close to nature, to our pet or to our friends and family; any of these can be the main focus.

I am a Civil Celebrant and I love how a funeral ceremony can be so different. My first experience of such a funeral was that of a friend whose wife wanted something special.

The ceremony was stunning; it reflected his choice of music – he was a musician and played in local pubs. The service was led by a warm, friendly celebrant, who spoke about my friend’s unique qualities in a detailed way that made me feel he was with us during the ceremony. The coffin was adorned with photos of him and his guitar lay on the top. A friend played and sang one of his favourite songs.

This event was the catalyst for me to change my profession. I trained with an organisation called Green Fuse and have learnt how to help a family create a ceremony for their loved one which acknowledges the life of that person in a truthful way and give thanks for that life in all its richness and diversity.

Some families choose to read words, decorate the coffin, light a candle, record their favourite music or find a special physical reminder of their loved one to lay on the coffin. Other families want the celebrant to lead and plan the whole ceremony.

I respect the beliefs of the person who has died and the wishes of the family. Towards the end of the ceremony this might be an acknowledgement of their loss and asking for the safe transition of the person into whatever is believed to lie beyond, or to accept that the person’s life has ended and there is no beyond – in both cases the life lived has been valuable, precious and unique.

A good civil celebrant will enable the family to have the ceremony as they would like. I have found such happiness in doing this work. Families and friends feel very raw at this time and it is a privilege to listen to their memories, hear about the challenges their loved one faced in life and help them weave together a ceremony that is friendly, respectful and heart-warming.

Sue Goodrum is a Civil Celebrant based in East Kent, UK.

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