A strained bank account is no excuse for a strained relationship

Relationships can be strained and stretched even before the bank account is.  A strained bank account can be the tipping point of a relationship.  It’s unlikely, if your relationship means more than your fears, that a relationship will end.  Is a strained bank account and the fear it creates really worth ending a relationship for?

Strained relationships, not bank accounts

How do you know if your relationship is strained, or if it’s because of the lack of money?

You can blame anything you like for the strain in your relationship – redundancy, age, inflation, government, world finances, the man in the moon.  You can find reason after reason to justify your position, you can point your finger and get angry at others.  None of them will change the fact that they are all excuses to avoid taking responsibility for your relationship.

Life and relationships seem to be ever so much easier when we’re not worrying about how to make ends meet, what cuts in the household budget need to be made and whose fault it is that they’re not bringing home as much bacon as before.  It is in the tougher times that your true values are often revealed.  Suddenly you realise that roses don’t only look and smell beautiful, but they have sharp thorns.

We each have different values around money.  They’re rarely talked about at the beginning of a relationship and particularly not in one where both parties are pursuing successful careers.  Why would we when there was no real lack, and nothing which threatened our survival and our security, let alone punctured our dreams and aspirations.

Some questions which might help you work out where you are and bring you back to a true sense of what’s going on.

Did you marry (get together with) your partner for their income?

If so, now’s a good time to be honest with yourself. If not, remember they are not their income and there is a way through this.

What specifically are you anxious about?

Take some time to yourself with a piece of paper, a pen.  Start to list all the things that you’re afraid might happen.  Next include in your list all the words you are using to describe yourself, your partner and your relationship.  Now I invite you to go through your list and ask yourself these questions :

• Is that true
• How do I know it’s true

eg:‘we’ll be out on the streets with no home if we can’t pay our rent/mortgage.’
If you have answered no it’s not true, then for what reason are you worrying about it?
If you have answered yes it’s true, ask yourself – how do you know it’s true?  It might be time to pick up the phone and speak to people who know more than you and find out what the truth really is.

‘It’s so embarrassing’
If you have answered no it’s not true, then for what reason are you worrying about it?
If you have answered yes it’s true, ask yourself – how do you know it’s true?  It might be time to learn who you really are. You are ever so much more than the money you have/don’t have and more than the opinions of others.  Those who mind your lack of money don’t matter, and those who matter to you won’t mind.

The true gift of a strained bank account on relationships

Rarely are we given the opportunity to see ourselves, our partners and our world for who and what they/we really are.  It’s nearly always in some form of upset – death, illness, financial strain.  Your gift is now to connect with your heart, it belongs to you and nobody can take that from you.  Connect to your inner wisdom, nobody can take that.  Connect to those who matter to you in your life.  A dinner of  toast and beans when it’s served with love and communication beats any 5* restaurant if love and communication are missing.

What can you do today to reconnect with your loved ones to remind them and you that nobody and nothing can take away your love?

PS (Have a read of Financial Squeeze puts paid to Affectionate Squeeze)

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About JackieWalker
Jackie Walker is a coach/therapist/guide helping men, women and couples to navigate their relationship doldrums and stormy waters. She can be found on Twitter as @jackiewalker
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