Go to your room!
This is my sneaky way of dealing with the increasingly “boisterous”, let’s call them, tantrums and fights between my two junior-age kids. Both are incredibly strong-willed, very bright and not afraid of pushing boundaries; they are both also good people at heart, so I know they’ll be fine. In the meantime they drive me totally nuts on a daily basis – and I know that the best thing is to let them work it out, get to know how to deal with whatever temperament is exercising itself at the time, not need mummy to step in and fix it all the time.
- Image by jkim.ca via Flickr
But how to not scream with frustration? How not to step in and join the triangle of bully, victim, rescuer?
I send myself to my room! When I realised that the manual on successful child rearing had not been written – let’s face it, the people best placed to write such a tome don’t have the energy – and that ear-plugs were not likely to be the responsible answer, I figured that instead of joining in with my own tantrum, I’d instead remove myself from the fray. And do you know, they either carry on, or stop and choose to get along. And I’m calm.
Of course this will only work for a very limited time – my days of this being a solution are numbered as they will turn their attention to foiling my efforts at remaining calm. Then I’ll have to find another coping strategy, but for now I’ll revel in the little peace to be found in my sanctuary.
What works for you? I know I’m not the only parent to have found some small tactic that works, however temporarily. Perhaps we can write the manual, one blog and comment at a time…
About BabsBabs runs The Blogmistress to help people use WordPress for their websites and/or blogs. Here on Birds however she lets loose on just about any subject other than WordPress! Follow her on twitter
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In her shoes is a series of anonymous posts from women in business, sharing their experience. In your comments you are asked to answer the question – What would you do in her shoes? My story began 9 months ago; it is a story of self-realisation, friendship, love and betrayal. After 11 years at home [...]
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Hmm, I wonder if this works with husbands
Ann, you make me laugh, loooooooool. keep up i need cheering up.
Ann, you make me laugh, loooooooool. keep up i need cheering up.
lovely blog Babs. i forgot how i dealt with this when mine were little. but now, my middle and youngest arugue alot. i havent reached any tactic yet. it kills me. on two occassions i shouted and lectured them on the importance of respect amongst sisters. they shut up but i was ill, went to my room. few mintues later they were giglling and trying clothes etc, forgot all about why they arugued. so i think from now on, i will follow suit your appraoch, leave them to it and stay calm in my room
lovely blog Babs. i forgot how i dealt with this when mine were little. but now, my middle and youngest arugue alot. i havent reached any tactic yet. it kills me. on two occassions i shouted and lectured them on the importance of respect amongst sisters. they shut up but i was ill, went to my room. few mintues later they were giglling and trying clothes etc, forgot all about why they arugued. so i think from now on, i will follow suit your appraoch, leave them to it and stay calm in my room
Babs, I am a firm believer in removing myself from the fray, and in our house that is easy to do. Maybe this is why I’m a zenlike parent, because I rarely hear what they get up to?! (to be honest, my two rarely fight.)The house is now unofficially “zoned.” Upstairs is the boys’ domain – I never go there, because my bedroom is on the ground floor, as physically removed from the rest of the house as possible. This, incidentally, works very well for my love life. That and the fact that the boys know they are dead, if they ever so much as come into my bedroom.
Downstairs, you have to go through the kitchen to get to the conservatory and to my bedroom and ensuite (former garage). Below the upstairs rooms is the living room and what is laughingly referred to as the dining room (more recently described by Mike as “Beirut” – with some justification), and this is a joint area for us all. We tend to meet up in the living room when we want to watch TV or a DVD. No-one except the very brave (Tom) ever goes to Beirut!I am decidedly NOT a good parent when it comes to ordering my children around – I don’t like it myself, and I won’t do it to them. Also, I am personally very untidy and cluttered, so find it hard to come down hard on them when they do the same. But one thing I am very good at with my children is communication, and to be honest I think that attention is what children need far more than rules and regulations. They will have to grow up and be adults one day, so while they are young, why not let them be children?
Love your reply Morag! Babs, my boy is still of an age where he gets put in “time out” (which they more sensibly call “thinking time” at his preschool) but I absolutely agree that the real time out is mine. I have a tiny little house so no chance of totally removing myself (though soon we’ll be moving to a place that has an upstairs which will surely change things?) but when he is on that spot I can go into the bedroom and breathe. And remind myself that he’s just a little live wire whose spring is too tightly wound (excuse mixed metaphor) at that moment, and that it doesn’t behove his mum to join him in hysteria. However tempting it may be!! So yes, go to your room! Excellent.