I don't mind helping for free, but it has some limitations!
The other day I received a PM that said:
“Sorry you couldn’t help me out with some advice, maybe next time eh?”
At the same time I got an email saying:
“It’s a shame you couldn’t help out with some advice” or something similar to that.
Now, as someone who prides herself on giving out free advice (see this thread for a perfect example of this), I was a little put out at this. Whether it was meant or not, the tone of both messages (from the same person) seemed to imply that I didn’t want to help or give advice.
- Image by Markus Merz via Flickr
So what had I done to warrant receiving these messages?
The person asking for advice had left me a phone message, and sent me an email saying they needed some advice and help, and could I call them back? I had replied saying that I was happy to give out advice and freebies by email, but as I was facing deadlines on some big jobs, had no time to spend on the phone so could they drop me an email please. The next thing I heard were the two messages above.
Now, this isn’t the first time this has happened, so forgive me for seeming to make an example of the person I’ve mentioned (who, by the way I have a lot of respect for, and have spoken to online for some time in the past), but I do think it’s a good time to make something clear.
I’m the first to say that giving out help and advice is a great way to promote your business. I answer emails daily helping people out. I post blogs and articles that help people to promote themselves without paying me or anyone else to do it. I answer questions on Twitter and help where I can.
But what you have to remember when you ask someone to help you for free, or give you advice for free is that you do it on THEIR terms. My terms are ‘no freebies by phone’ – if you can’t take the time to put your questions in an email to me, then why should I take the time to spend on the phone to you? My phone time is for my paying clients (and most of them in fact realise that it’s better to email me as they get a response in writing that they can refer back to).
Taking time out to make or take phone calls means time away from the work I’m doing for clients, the marketing I do for myself, and the business that brings in the money to pay the people who work with me.
Not agreeing to call you to give you free help doesn’t mean I’m not interested in you, doesn’t mean I won’t help, and doesn’t mean I’ve refused your request – it means that if you want my free help then you have to do it MY way. If I wanted free help from you and you said ‘Phone me’ then I would – because that’s how YOU want to deal.
I’m always willing to give out advice – but please, don’t judge me badly if I ask for it to be on MY terms. If I can take the time to help you, you can take the time to type up an email with your query, surely?
Harsh? Maybe, but sometimes it’s the easiest way to get a point across 
About NikkiPilkingtonNikki owns NikkiPilkington.com, anInternet Marketing Agency based in the UK & France, helping small and medium sized businesses to promote themselves online through SEO, Social Media Marketing and Blogging. She has 2 gorgeous daughters, 18 years apart, too many cats, and not enough chickens.
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27 Responses to I don't mind helping for free, but it has some limitations!
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Great points Nikki. My phone time too is limited and prefer people to email me. Having said that, I believe I’m more likely to convert them from just free help, to a paying client if I’ve spoken to them by phone. That way they get a chance to see the “real me” rather than just the “online me”. I’m also more likely to get referrals from them.
What are your thoughts?
Hi Claire
If your aim is to convert clients looking for free help into paying clients, then I can see that you may agree the phone is the best way to do this.
It’s not my aim though – so I still hold that if someone wants free advice from me then an email works better for me
Twitter: nikkipilkington
Great points Nikki. My phone time too is limited and prefer people to email me. Having said that, I believe I’m more likely to convert them from just free help, to a paying client if I’ve spoken to them by phone. That way they get a chance to see the “real me” rather than just the “online me”. I’m also more likely to get referrals from them.
What are your thoughts?
Hi Claire
If your aim is to convert clients looking for free help into paying clients, then I can see that you may agree the phone is the best way to do this.
It’s not my aim though – so I still hold that if someone wants free advice from me then an email works better for me
Twitter: nikkipilkington
couldn’t agree more – I think that when people perpetually ask for free things and give nothing in return it makes it really tiring. We lost a lot of money by doing things for free and giving stuff away – did not end up doing us any favours.
It is always a fine balance about helping and being taken the mick out of.
Rant over too – back to some work
I don’t have a problem with people asking for freebies, and I don’t even have a problem with people not giving anything in return – I’m a great believer in ‘what goes around comes around’.
I just think that if *I* wanted free help from someone, I would happily do it on THEIR terms, not miine :0
Twitter: nikkipilkington
couldn’t agree more – I think that when people perpetually ask for free things and give nothing in return it makes it really tiring. We lost a lot of money by doing things for free and giving stuff away – did not end up doing us any favours.
It is always a fine balance about helping and being taken the mick out of.
Rant over too – back to some work
I don’t have a problem with people asking for freebies, and I don’t even have a problem with people not giving anything in return – I’m a great believer in ‘what goes around comes around’.
I just think that if *I* wanted free help from someone, I would happily do it on THEIR terms, not miine :0
Twitter: nikkipilkington
Hi Nikki,
Sorry to hear that someone has upset you. Just wanted to let you know that we appreciate all the help and advice that you give. Many thanks for your ‘three questions’ that you sent us – we will be getting on to them in the next day or so on our BT Tradespace website.
Lastly if it is not too much trouble to ask, would you know what would be the best platform to add a blog to our own website, as at present we can only blog on the BT one.
Thanks again,
Paul Westbrook
Hi Nikki,
Sorry to hear that someone has upset you. Just wanted to let you know that we appreciate all the help and advice that you give. Many thanks for your ‘three questions’ that you sent us – we will be getting on to them in the next day or so on our BT Tradespace website.
Lastly if it is not too much trouble to ask, would you know what would be the best platform to add a blog to our own website, as at present we can only blog on the BT one.
Thanks again,
Paul Westbrook
I am always happy to speak to people about road accidents initially free of charge,if they instruct me, as usually I can get their legal expenses insurers or those of the other driver to pay my fees.
A one-to-one telephone call (Skype with a Webcam appointment) is the best way to establish trust.
You can follow me @CarAccidentAid on Twitter for more info on Road Accidents
Chris,
And that’s fine – for YOU. If I wanted free help from you and you said ‘OK, but it has to be by phone’ – then I would happily phone you, because I need and value your help.
By the same token, if you said ‘It has to be by email’ – I would email you. YOUR free advice, YOU’RE helping me out, YOUR terms.
If I then chose NOT to phone you because it’s not MY preferred way of dealing with the issue, then that’s MY choice and MY ‘fault’. I wouldn’t then send you an email saying ‘Sorry you chose not to help me’. The fact that *I* wasn’t prepared to pick up the phone means it’s MY choice not to be helped.
Twitter: nikkipilkington
I am always happy to speak to people about road accidents initially free of charge,if they instruct me, as usually I can get their legal expenses insurers or those of the other driver to pay my fees.
A one-to-one telephone call (Skype with a Webcam appointment) is the best way to establish trust.
You can follow me @CarAccidentAid on Twitter for more info on Road Accidents
Chris,
And that’s fine – for YOU. If I wanted free help from you and you said ‘OK, but it has to be by phone’ – then I would happily phone you, because I need and value your help.
By the same token, if you said ‘It has to be by email’ – I would email you. YOUR free advice, YOU’RE helping me out, YOUR terms.
If I then chose NOT to phone you because it’s not MY preferred way of dealing with the issue, then that’s MY choice and MY ‘fault’. I wouldn’t then send you an email saying ‘Sorry you chose not to help me’. The fact that *I* wasn’t prepared to pick up the phone means it’s MY choice not to be helped.
Twitter: nikkipilkington
One of the things I like about email, is that I can deal with it when it suits me.
Of course, some of the people I work with prefer to deal by phone, and it has taken some negotiation to work out compromises that suit both.
And working from home I used to find that family and friends thought that meant I was available to chat any time they wanted. It took me some time to get tough enough to handle that one
When you are doing something as a favour though, of course you get to choose how and when.
Harsh is sometimes the only way, good point, Nikki
One of the things I like about email, is that I can deal with it when it suits me.
Of course, some of the people I work with prefer to deal by phone, and it has taken some negotiation to work out compromises that suit both.
And working from home I used to find that family and friends thought that meant I was available to chat any time they wanted. It took me some time to get tough enough to handle that one
When you are doing something as a favour though, of course you get to choose how and when.
Harsh is sometimes the only way, good point, Nikki
I don’t publish anything like as much in the way of free information as you do, Nikki, but I still do a fair bit here and there and also do a fair bit of writer coaching for diddly squat.
What I find irritating is when I have been helping someone – let’s say to put their book idea together, or to compose a synopsis for book proposals – and I say “look, to achieve your objective I will have to put several hours of my time into this, so as I explained at the beginning I’m afraid I’ll have to start charging you from here”… they get all huffy and offended. Some even call the whole thing off.
This has happened a few times now. Is it something I’m doing wrong, or is it that some people are just freeloaders?
And the fact that they often ride roughshod over your terms for free advice – as you describe – and ask for it whichever way suits them, at any time of day or night, is even worse.
I have a horrible feeling that our internet culture, where there are millions of books worth of information (not all of it valid, mind you) available for free at the click of a mouse, has encouraged people to assume that information and advice should be available for nothing from consultants and other experts, as well.
It’s sad to see human experience, skill, talent, expertise, knowledge and integrity so grossly devalued in this way.
Twitter: SuzeStMWrites
I think there may be something in this, Suz, that people are beginning to undervalue skill and experience and think they can find it all out for free.
I have had the problem the other way round though, too. I once negotiated a deal with someone who initially offered services for free. I said I prefered to pay, but suggested an agreement where they fitted work around other commitments and charged me slightly less than the going rate. Then I was quoted a price twice as high as I ended up paying full rate elsewhere.
I don’t publish anything like as much in the way of free information as you do, Nikki, but I still do a fair bit here and there and also do a fair bit of writer coaching for diddly squat.
What I find irritating is when I have been helping someone – let’s say to put their book idea together, or to compose a synopsis for book proposals – and I say “look, to achieve your objective I will have to put several hours of my time into this, so as I explained at the beginning I’m afraid I’ll have to start charging you from here”… they get all huffy and offended. Some even call the whole thing off.
This has happened a few times now. Is it something I’m doing wrong, or is it that some people are just freeloaders?
And the fact that they often ride roughshod over your terms for free advice – as you describe – and ask for it whichever way suits them, at any time of day or night, is even worse.
I have a horrible feeling that our internet culture, where there are millions of books worth of information (not all of it valid, mind you) available for free at the click of a mouse, has encouraged people to assume that information and advice should be available for nothing from consultants and other experts, as well.
It’s sad to see human experience, skill, talent, expertise, knowledge and integrity so grossly devalued in this way.
Twitter: SuzeStMWrites
I think there may be something in this, Suz, that people are beginning to undervalue skill and experience and think they can find it all out for free.
I have had the problem the other way round though, too. I once negotiated a deal with someone who initially offered services for free. I said I prefered to pay, but suggested an agreement where they fitted work around other commitments and charged me slightly less than the going rate. Then I was quoted a price twice as high as I ended up paying full rate elsewhere.
I give a lot for free, but I find there are a lot of people out there who don’t appreciate it and want more. You can spend hours doing something for someone (for no cost) and they then ask for more or brush off what you did as if it was their right to get your services for nothing.
I like the way that you restrict free advice and I am sure that if you were asked something that you know would take time you would give advice then suggest they talk with you about hiring them for more detailed help.
Having a clearly defined “free” advice is good for a business whether it is by phone or email or a free consultation to define what work can be done and how much.
I give a lot for free, but I find there are a lot of people out there who don’t appreciate it and want more. You can spend hours doing something for someone (for no cost) and they then ask for more or brush off what you did as if it was their right to get your services for nothing.
I like the way that you restrict free advice and I am sure that if you were asked something that you know would take time you would give advice then suggest they talk with you about hiring them for more detailed help.
Having a clearly defined “free” advice is good for a business whether it is by phone or email or a free consultation to define what work can be done and how much.
Can’t fault your logic, Nikki
Yet I believe there’s something else as well:
You display the arrogance and self confidence of a virtuoso who’s invested thousands of hours to become da*ned good at what she does and knows there are few on the planet in her league (or maybe anywhere close to it
).
If you then decide to share some of your hard-earned knowledge with others at no charge and with no hope or expectation that they will ever become paying clients, then to do so OTHER than on terms of your choice would seem downright daft…
Twitter: comfort_selling
Hmmmmm…. I’ve never seen Nikki display arrogance: huge self confidence, yes, but never arrogance.
Twitter: presentations
Can’t fault your logic, Nikki
Yet I believe there’s something else as well:
You display the arrogance and self confidence of a virtuoso who’s invested thousands of hours to become da*ned good at what she does and knows there are few on the planet in her league (or maybe anywhere close to it
).
If you then decide to share some of your hard-earned knowledge with others at no charge and with no hope or expectation that they will ever become paying clients, then to do so OTHER than on terms of your choice would seem downright daft…
Twitter: comfort_selling
Hmmmmm…. I’ve never seen Nikki display arrogance: huge self confidence, yes, but never arrogance.
Twitter: presentations
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