I'm having a baby not giving up my life….
Like most women, when I first found out I was pregnant I wanted to tell the world. Unlike most pregnant women, my ‘world’ consists of thousands of people I hardly know, hundreds I know really well and a few close friends, along with thousands of people who know me but I don’t know them at all. My online ‘contacts’ are a big part of my world and my first instinct was to announce it to everyone on Facebook, Twitter and a few other networks.
Luckily I restrained myself, and told people slowly, starting with family (obviously), close friends, then people I knew well and clients.
The reaction of clients and potential clients tended to fall into 3 camps:
1 – “Wow, congratulations, that’s great” (you know who you are, thanks guys!)
2 – “Oh, well we weren’t expecting that, but congratulations anyway” (Thanks to you lot as well!)
3 – “Who is going to run your business and service us?”
It’s to the third group of people I’m addressing this post.
In order to answer them I need to take you back a little while – 15 and a half years to be precise.
I was a naive 21 year old single parent. I was divorced and lived in a pretty hovel like council house in Northamptonshire with my 2 and a half year old daughter, Leigh.
I looked around me at others in my situation and knew that I didn’t want to be on benefits for the rest of my life, or taking the temporary jobs I was taking in order to make ends meet. I needed a career not a job. So I looked at what was happening in the business world. I knew nothing about business, nothing about working for yourself, and had no discernible skills. I was 21, had dropped out of A levels, become pregnant at 18, given birth at 19, got married at 19 and was divorced by 21. I was a statistic, nothing more and nothing less, with not much hope of being anything else.
And then I discovered the Internet. I worked double shifts at temporary factory jobs and got together enough money to buy my first computer. My mother looked after my daughter, without her I’d still be in that same council house wondering when I could ‘get out’ and ‘make something of myself’.
I set myself up as a web designer. I was rubbish. But I found I was good at promoting sites and seeing what made them sell, making them work. In those days a webiste was a huge part of a marketing budget and largely unproven, so I made calls, I went out and networked, I knocked on doors and I sent out mailshots.
I stayed up until 4am putting stamps on envelopes. I waited until my daughter was asleep to post ads online and send emailshots. I worked around her, taking her to playschool every day and rushing back to do a couple of hours work, picking her up and spending time in the park, making calls while she had her afternoon nap, putting work to one side while it was dinner and bathtime, and picking it up again when she was in bed.
And slowly and surely I built a business. A reputation even. Me, on my own, with a 2 year old child, a mum who babysat and helped out where she could, and no other real support. (And let’s not forget, with no real knowledge of what I was doing – we were all learning as we went along in those days!).
I also built up a bank balance and moved out of the council house, rented offices for my business and started hiring. I was taken on by a marketing company to integrate my company with their web business, and paid well for it. I decided to branch out again on my own in 2003.
Now let’s fast forward to today.
I’m 36, have a fantastic 17 and a half year old daughter, a great partner who understands the odd hours I work, and a team around me who I believe are second to none.
I still get up early and work ‘the early shift’, followed by a couple of hours of downtime, a burst in the afternoon, and often work long into the evening. It’s what I’m used to, what I’ve always done, and it works for me.
With Rob doing Adwords, Mark writing articles, Leigh and Helen doing Admin, Shaun and Bob selling and me doing the promotion and SEO, our little team works well together and we have quite a well oiled machine going.
I don’t have to build a business anymore – I’m lucky that I have people enquiring about my services all the time, and the leads keep coming in. We take on the clients we want to work with and turn away those that we can’t or don’t think we can help.
So yes, I am going to have a baby, and the hours I work in the first few months may be even odder than they are right now (I don’t think I have a client who HASN’T received a work related email from me at 1am!), but I’m still loads better off than I was 15 years ago.
So to answer your question of “Who is going to run your business and service us?”
I am.
Have you seen our Small Business Blogging special offer? http://www.nikkipilkington.com/social-media-marketing/small-business-blogging-offer
http://www.nikkipilkington.com
nikki@nikkipilkington.com
Twitter: @NikkiPilkington
About Sarah ArrowSarah Arrow is the managing editor of Birds on the Blog, in real life she is the communications director of a same day courier service. She is an enthusiastic UK based pro-blogger and co- author of the soon to be published Zero to Blogger
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75 Responses to I'm having a baby not giving up my life….
In her shoes: My descent in entrepreneurial hell
In her shoes is a series of anonymous posts from women in business, sharing their experience. In your comments you are asked to answer the question – What would you do in her shoes? My story began 9 months ago; it is a story of self-realisation, friendship, love and betrayal. After 11 years at home [...]
Nikki, you have built a terrific robust business through your hard work – well done. And of course having a new baby won’t change any of that. Part of the pleasures of working for oneself is being able to work flexible hours to ensure that everything gets done.
I am sure in a few more years time this new addition will also have a role to play.
Good luck
Nikki, you have built a terrific robust business through your hard work – well done. And of course having a new baby won’t change any of that. Part of the pleasures of working for oneself is being able to work flexible hours to ensure that everything gets done.
I am sure in a few more years time this new addition will also have a role to play.
Good luck
Brilliant! There is an assumption that the world stops turning when a baby is born. But whilst other body parts are adjusting, the brain stays in gear. And as long as the job gets done, who cares whether it is done at 2.30pm or 4.30am?
There is so much discrimination in the world of work against women of child-bearing age, let alone pregnant women or women with young children. And some women do choose to take time away, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But it isn’t compulsory.
And if you can work your way out of the poverty/benefit trap like you did Nikki, running a business whilst nursing a baby will be a piece of cake.
Twitter: evenbreak
Brilliant! There is an assumption that the world stops turning when a baby is born. But whilst other body parts are adjusting, the brain stays in gear. And as long as the job gets done, who cares whether it is done at 2.30pm or 4.30am?
There is so much discrimination in the world of work against women of child-bearing age, let alone pregnant women or women with young children. And some women do choose to take time away, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But it isn’t compulsory.
And if you can work your way out of the poverty/benefit trap like you did Nikki, running a business whilst nursing a baby will be a piece of cake.
Twitter: evenbreak
Like you Nikki, there are somethings I declare openly on Facebook and other details which I feel people may judge me upon. I was a single parent at 24 with a 4 and 7 year old to bring up. For 12 years, I worked my way up a career ladder and tried to make something of myself. To cut a long story very short, both my Son 28, and Daughter 24, have gone on in life to make wonderful careers for themselves and look upon problems as hurdles to jump and not as fences to fall. My youngest Son jamie 9, sees me as a person persuing her dreams and aspirations and making a difference (albeit small) in the world. The inspiration you give to your children and others is set by example. You are a wonderful, fabulous mother and an amazing and talented businesswoman. I wish you the absolute best of things for you new baby and family. x
Fascinating, Nikki – I didn’t know before how you had started your business.
I’d have to disagree with you though, when you say you are “lucky” to have people enquiring about your services – except that you have clearly made your own luck.
Like you Nikki, there are somethings I declare openly on Facebook and other details which I feel people may judge me upon. I was a single parent at 24 with a 4 and 7 year old to bring up. For 12 years, I worked my way up a career ladder and tried to make something of myself. To cut a long story very short, both my Son 28, and Daughter 24, have gone on in life to make wonderful careers for themselves and look upon problems as hurdles to jump and not as fences to fall. My youngest Son jamie 9, sees me as a person persuing her dreams and aspirations and making a difference (albeit small) in the world. The inspiration you give to your children and others is set by example. You are a wonderful, fabulous mother and an amazing and talented businesswoman. I wish you the absolute best of things for you new baby and family. x
Fascinating, Nikki – I didn’t know before how you had started your business.
I’d have to disagree with you though, when you say you are “lucky” to have people enquiring about your services – except that you have clearly made your own luck.
I think you are bang on the nail there Ann, Nikki has made her own luck
and is an inspiration to many woman who run businesses who think having a baby will interfere or cause problems.
As Jane says, the world doesn’t stop turning, and you are well equipped to deal with any challenges.
I think you are bang on the nail there Ann, Nikki has made her own luck
and is an inspiration to many woman who run businesses who think having a baby will interfere or cause problems.
As Jane says, the world doesn’t stop turning, and you are well equipped to deal with any challenges.
Sometimes we find our future through recognising we’re good at something by chance.
Totally love, “I found I was good at promoting sites and seeing what made them sell, making them work.”
Good for you, Nikki, not everyone has the chutzpah to be that self aware. Keep up the good work!
Twitter: maverickny
Sometimes we find our future through recognising we’re good at something by chance.
Totally love, “I found I was good at promoting sites and seeing what made them sell, making them work.”
Good for you, Nikki, not everyone has the chutzpah to be that self aware. Keep up the good work!
Twitter: maverickny
This is an inspiration to all of us. I’m self employed and yet to enter into mother hood but it shows if you are focused and determined, you can make it work!
A fantastic, feel good blog with a wonderful happy ending – Congratulations!
This is an inspiration to all of us. I’m self employed and yet to enter into mother hood but it shows if you are focused and determined, you can make it work!
A fantastic, feel good blog with a wonderful happy ending – Congratulations!
Firstly , Congratulations to you both.
The key is that now Nikki Pilkington Enterprises is a close knit team which handles everything in a timely and efficient manner.
Given that you now have a team in place , your customers can be assured of continuing great service.
Nothing is gong to stop you being anything but totally involved , however if ever there a time for some ‘me’ time it is yours for the taking.
Be well , I look forward to meeting again.
Twitter: stevenhealey
Firstly , Congratulations to you both.
The key is that now Nikki Pilkington Enterprises is a close knit team which handles everything in a timely and efficient manner.
Given that you now have a team in place , your customers can be assured of continuing great service.
Nothing is gong to stop you being anything but totally involved , however if ever there a time for some ‘me’ time it is yours for the taking.
Be well , I look forward to meeting again.
Twitter: stevenhealey
Great stuff Nikki and all the best.
Having had two kids myself and worked all the way through it – I can say that what some people don’t realise is that working mums are the best thing since sliced bread. We don’t have time to faff around or moan or even worry – we get on with the job and we pour every ounce of energy, enthusiasm and passion in to what we do – be it at home with the kids/hub or at work because we make the most of time and what we have to offer.
Anybody who thinks being a mother is compromises a business needs to get in touch with reality and get a life of their own…
Well done on all you’ve achieved so far.
Bian
Great stuff Nikki and all the best.
Having had two kids myself and worked all the way through it – I can say that what some people don’t realise is that working mums are the best thing since sliced bread. We don’t have time to faff around or moan or even worry – we get on with the job and we pour every ounce of energy, enthusiasm and passion in to what we do – be it at home with the kids/hub or at work because we make the most of time and what we have to offer.
Anybody who thinks being a mother is compromises a business needs to get in touch with reality and get a life of their own…
Well done on all you’ve achieved so far.
Bian
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As ever Nikki you tell it like it is
As a proud Mum of 2 small people (1 brand new!) and business owner, I’m working some odd hours at the moment too. But that doesn’t mean things don’t get done.
Having your own business means working hard when you want to (and can) and working with clients who appreciate you for what you do and what you know. In your case Nikki this is absolutely also the case I know.
As ever Nikki you tell it like it is
As a proud Mum of 2 small people (1 brand new!) and business owner, I’m working some odd hours at the moment too. But that doesn’t mean things don’t get done.
Having your own business means working hard when you want to (and can) and working with clients who appreciate you for what you do and what you know. In your case Nikki this is absolutely also the case I know.
Firstly ‘Congratulations!’
Your piece raises so many issues, not just the reaction to your baby news but for me, it also reinforces how important it is to be your own person.
Whatever hand you get dealt only you can create the life you want to live. As Ann said luck doesn’t come into it – it is blummin’ hard work sometimes but wow how rewarding eh?
Great piece Nikki – not only are you an inspiration to business women who also have a family but the early part of your story should be broadcast far and wide – you’re a great role model for many teenage mums too!
Great piece Nikki – not only are you an inspiration to business women who also have a family but the early part of your story should be broadcast far and wide – you’re a great role model for many teenage mums too!
Firstly ‘Congratulations!’
Your piece raises so many issues, not just the reaction to your baby news but for me, it also reinforces how important it is to be your own person.
Whatever hand you get dealt only you can create the life you want to live. As Ann said luck doesn’t come into it – it is blummin’ hard work sometimes but wow how rewarding eh?
Excellent post Nikki and I totally agree! Being pregnant or having children does not stop us being dynamic, skillful, hard working or incapable of running a business. You have everything in total control and your entire team are right behind you, so am I!
No one should let being pregnant stop what they love doing and this post just proves that you don’t have too! Well done!
Sally Walker
Excellent post Nikki and I totally agree! Being pregnant or having children does not stop us being dynamic, skillful, hard working or incapable of running a business. You have everything in total control and your entire team are right behind you, so am I!
No one should let being pregnant stop what they love doing and this post just proves that you don’t have too! Well done!
Sally Walker
Great article Nikki. I think people have this vision of internet marketers being a one-man band (perhaps because many still are) with no support.
I also think there are women who act as if once they have had a child they can’t do anything they did before. I know a few like that and they tend to be very vocal about the demands of motherhood.
You (and others I follow on Twitter) prove that real businesses don’t stop because of a baby (or babies). Nor do they stop because of ill-health, divorce or other changes of circumstance – in fact, often we rarely know those things are happening.
If an offline business continues when the boss is less available then why shouldn’t an online business?
Great article Nikki. I think people have this vision of internet marketers being a one-man band (perhaps because many still are) with no support.
I also think there are women who act as if once they have had a child they can’t do anything they did before. I know a few like that and they tend to be very vocal about the demands of motherhood.
You (and others I follow on Twitter) prove that real businesses don’t stop because of a baby (or babies). Nor do they stop because of ill-health, divorce or other changes of circumstance – in fact, often we rarely know those things are happening.
If an offline business continues when the boss is less available then why shouldn’t an online business?
There’s an old saying that goes “if you want something done, and done well, ask a busy person.”
I can’t think of anyone better than Nikki to exemplify that.
And I’ll put money on that baby being yet another internet marketing expert in the Pilkington stable by the time s/he is of school age…
Twitter: SuzanStMaur
There’s an old saying that goes “if you want something done, and done well, ask a busy person.”
I can’t think of anyone better than Nikki to exemplify that.
And I’ll put money on that baby being yet another internet marketing expert in the Pilkington stable by the time s/he is of school age…
Twitter: SuzanStMaur
Truly inspiring! Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope for you to have a smooth time of it both physically and emotionally. The amazing opportunity here is not only to continue to build your business, but to also consider now that you’ve built the infrastructure–what do you want your future to look like? I wonder if you would consider that you COULD work less and still produce the results you’re committed to? After all, “having it all” doesn’t have to equate to “doing it all.”
Your kids are lucky to have you!
Truly inspiring! Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope for you to have a smooth time of it both physically and emotionally. The amazing opportunity here is not only to continue to build your business, but to also consider now that you’ve built the infrastructure–what do you want your future to look like? I wonder if you would consider that you COULD work less and still produce the results you’re committed to? After all, “having it all” doesn’t have to equate to “doing it all.”
Your kids are lucky to have you!
A brilliant post by a brilliant lady who is great at what she does. We wish you all that is wonderful when your new addition arrives – enjoy your new family! x
Twitter: littlesunflower
A brilliant post by a brilliant lady who is great at what she does. We wish you all that is wonderful when your new addition arrives – enjoy your new family! x
Twitter: littlesunflower
Congratulations – especially to Dad!
From personal experience, you can’t take the gas and air too soon!
Congratulations – especially to Dad!
From personal experience, you can’t take the gas and air too soon!
Nikki, it was so good to read your post… a true story of achievement.
And having worked with you, I can honestly say that you are great at what you do – so that is why you have done so well – nothing to do with luck!
When I had Frankie, my contractions started at about midnight. I couldn’t rest (pain!) so I worked until 2am and then went down to the hospital. Frankie was born at 6am and I was home by 10am. After a short rest, I sent some emails out at noon! People look at me in amazement when I tell them that story (that’s why I tell it – I like the way their faces look). But I’m not some kind of crazy business woman.
My kids are so much a part of my life that I work around them. I love that these two parts of my life – work and family are so mixed up. People ask me, how do I separate work and home and I say I don’t actually want to.
I think that when you love what you do, work isn’t work. And that’s how so many woman in business combine home, babies, career etc so amazingly well.
Because they’re passionate about all the different bits. Not to say it isn’t really hard sometimes as you say. (And your story is one of true determination and belief against the odds!)
That’s why you know you’ll have a baby and still be Nikki Pilkington, the brilliant business woman.
But do try and take some time off too. Now’s the time to lounge around in those French cafes feeding and drinking coffee. You deserve it! x
Lucy from http://www.Sleepytot.com
Nikki, it was so good to read your post… a true story of achievement.
And having worked with you, I can honestly say that you are great at what you do – so that is why you have done so well – nothing to do with luck!
When I had Frankie, my contractions started at about midnight. I couldn’t rest (pain!) so I worked until 2am and then went down to the hospital. Frankie was born at 6am and I was home by 10am. After a short rest, I sent some emails out at noon! People look at me in amazement when I tell them that story (that’s why I tell it – I like the way their faces look). But I’m not some kind of crazy business woman.
My kids are so much a part of my life that I work around them. I love that these two parts of my life – work and family are so mixed up. People ask me, how do I separate work and home and I say I don’t actually want to.
I think that when you love what you do, work isn’t work. And that’s how so many woman in business combine home, babies, career etc so amazingly well.
Because they’re passionate about all the different bits. Not to say it isn’t really hard sometimes as you say. (And your story is one of true determination and belief against the odds!)
That’s why you know you’ll have a baby and still be Nikki Pilkington, the brilliant business woman.
But do try and take some time off too. Now’s the time to lounge around in those French cafes feeding and drinking coffee. You deserve it! x
Lucy from http://www.Sleepytot.com
Hi Nikki,
What a brilliant tale, and such an important message.
I loved being pregnant, loved being a mum, but I was also even more keen to get working too!
Business people often think that women who have kids can’t have careers, because they can’t see past their own noses at the value this experience gives women.
Women who bear children have to really be resourceful, strong and resilient. They have to find time, deliver results on little or no sleep, be creative and pragmatic. All these things make for great business women too.
When I went back to work after my maternity leave (I was a rather late mum at 38) I was so keen to do well and so ambitious, it wasn’t long before I’d worked out what I really wanted out of my job and found a better, more fulfilling one too.
Twitter: Subutcher
Hi Nikki,
What a brilliant tale, and such an important message.
I loved being pregnant, loved being a mum, but I was also even more keen to get working too!
Business people often think that women who have kids can’t have careers, because they can’t see past their own noses at the value this experience gives women.
Women who bear children have to really be resourceful, strong and resilient. They have to find time, deliver results on little or no sleep, be creative and pragmatic. All these things make for great business women too.
When I went back to work after my maternity leave (I was a rather late mum at 38) I was so keen to do well and so ambitious, it wasn’t long before I’d worked out what I really wanted out of my job and found a better, more fulfilling one too.
Twitter: Subutcher
I agree about working Mums. My first two employees had pre-school and school age children. Neither ever had a day off sick either for them or their children. I was happy for them to work their hours around the school timetable, and accommodate things like assemblies and nativity plays.
Both were very conscientious – I’m sure that by being flexible I got the better end of the deal.
But lots of employers don’t see it that way, which is why so many women with young children end up starting their own businesses.
Twitter: evenbreak
I agree about working Mums. My first two employees had pre-school and school age children. Neither ever had a day off sick either for them or their children. I was happy for them to work their hours around the school timetable, and accommodate things like assemblies and nativity plays.
Both were very conscientious – I’m sure that by being flexible I got the better end of the deal.
But lots of employers don’t see it that way, which is why so many women with young children end up starting their own businesses.
Twitter: evenbreak
Wow and congratulations again Nikki! Great post and fantastic achievement.
I received a similar response to those in camp 3 when I told an ex-employer I was pregnant with our first child (now 7). He was rather more negative though and made his disappointment quite clear by asking ‘who’s going to run my business now? This is really bad timing Vicky!’
Needless to say I was upset and our working relationship was never quite the same after. But, over time I realised that his behaviour was due to severe lack of awareness of how amazingly driven and capable working mums are, and dreadfully poor communication on his part regarding how much I was valued.
Wishing you all the very best for the final stage of your pregnancy Nikki and safe delivery of your bundle of joy. Cherish every moment.
By the way, I made sure I stayed working there to have our second child too just to make sure he fully understood that working mums rock!
Wow and congratulations again Nikki! Great post and fantastic achievement.
I received a similar response to those in camp 3 when I told an ex-employer I was pregnant with our first child (now 7). He was rather more negative though and made his disappointment quite clear by asking ‘who’s going to run my business now? This is really bad timing Vicky!’
Needless to say I was upset and our working relationship was never quite the same after. But, over time I realised that his behaviour was due to severe lack of awareness of how amazingly driven and capable working mums are, and dreadfully poor communication on his part regarding how much I was valued.
Wishing you all the very best for the final stage of your pregnancy Nikki and safe delivery of your bundle of joy. Cherish every moment.
By the way, I made sure I stayed working there to have our second child too just to make sure he fully understood that working mums rock!
Congratulations, an inspiring story for sure, and lovely to read.
Enjoy.
Phil
Congratulations, an inspiring story for sure, and lovely to read.
Enjoy.
Phil
There is no doubt that my friend Nikki Pilkington carries weight and authority in all she does, in work, social and no doubt new motherhood, but she is in a minority. I get sick sorry and tired of new mothers/first-time mothers/experienced mothers who seem to regard their ability to breed, nurture and foist (today’s word) their spawn on an unsuspecting world as a status that is automatically due respect. Becoming pregnant is ordinary. Carrying a child to full-term is ordinary. Giving birth is ordinary. (Ordinary in terms of commonplace, not exceptional), but far too many mothers deem it worthy of special attention and merit, and ‘demand’ such from employers, strangers, social contacts, friends and family. People like Nikki Pilkington will carry on, integrating her new child into her family and work life. She will continue to perform exceptionally and professionally, and enjoy the new life. Nikki Pilkington is an exception, far from ordinary.
There is no doubt that my friend Nikki Pilkington carries weight and authority in all she does, in work, social and no doubt new motherhood, but she is in a minority. I get sick sorry and tired of new mothers/first-time mothers/experienced mothers who seem to regard their ability to breed, nurture and foist (today’s word) their spawn on an unsuspecting world as a status that is automatically due respect. Becoming pregnant is ordinary. Carrying a child to full-term is ordinary. Giving birth is ordinary. (Ordinary in terms of commonplace, not exceptional), but far too many mothers deem it worthy of special attention and merit, and ‘demand’ such from employers, strangers, social contacts, friends and family. People like Nikki Pilkington will carry on, integrating her new child into her family and work life. She will continue to perform exceptionally and professionally, and enjoy the new life. Nikki Pilkington is an exception, far from ordinary.
Just read Nick’s comment and wish I had written it – couldn’t agree more