My alternative cabinet #ge2010
So, here we go, less than a month more of posturing, posing and patronising as each of the political parties veers between revealing their incentives to woo our votes and slinging mud at each for… er… revealing their polices to woo our votes. I have to admit that I am so disillusioned with the process of electioneering that I have pretty much already switched off most of the noise already. And I thought I’d lighten the mood a little with my alternative cabinet, peopled by fictional characters or celebrities – and invite you to contribute your own suggestions.
I haven’t listed an entire cabinet (more of a bedside table), but some of the key positions and my suggested candidates are below:
Justice Department: Gene Hunt, Ashes to Ashes
- Image via Wikipedia
Forget DC as Gene Hunt, fire up the Quattro and get the man himself in. He’d cut the red tape, speed up decisions and make sure the b*****ds are put behind bars sharpish – guilty or not.
Environment: Dot Cotton, Eastenders
If Dot Cotton gives up smoking, UK emissions will be cut by half – and half the smoking country would stub it out with her.
Health: Jim Royal, The Royal Family
Hero of the people, scratch the surface and I’m sure you’ll find a skin full of healthy lifestyle ideas and piles of ideas about cost savings in the NHS. Starting with cut backs in the peak freans…
Works and Pensions: Anyone from Shameless
Only one policy required: Avvvv ittt!
The Home Department: Kerry Katona
Mum’s shopping in Iceland, but not until she’s got the (fag) ash under control and can stand up straight. Expect a lot of yoyoing on policing policy, a further relaxation of licensing laws and new leather uniforms for the fire brigade.
Communities: Ian and Barbara Pollard
These folks already have a very special community of gardeners. They welcome with open arms the country’s horticulturists to their splendid gardens at Abbey House – aand they are invited to help with the pruning naked. What better way to break down barriers and encourage closer community spirit. That’s truly social media that could have a massive impact on crime – there’ll be nowhere to hide your pistol.
Business, innovation and skills: Del Boy, Only Fools and Horses
Entrepreneurs would get a real chance to shine with Del Boy managing the spondulix. Social networking would be supported by free pints down the pub and International Business Development would be extended well beyond Watford. Mange tout, Rodney, mange tout.
International Development: Michelle “Of the Resistance” Dubois, ‘Allo ‘Allo
You need someone who can get their message across in any language, making Michelle ideal “Listen very carefully, I will say zis urnly wurnce….”
Transport: Jeremy Clarkson
The only real candidate. Watch out for a new policy on motorways with the slow lane compulsory for the working classes, old people and white van drivers, the middle lane for the middle classes and girls in fast cars and the fast lane reserved for toffs and boys in fast cars. Speed cameras will be used to record fastest lap times round the M25.
Culture, media and sport: Katie Price, aka Jordan – nominated by “the Boss”
If we aint go’ it, we can fake it, more t*ts out for the boys and cross dressing is the new black. Yes, we might become morally bust, but the future’s bright, the future’s fake tan orange with KP handling our cultural development and exports. Hope you blokes don’t mind, but dressage will be the new national sport :/
Chancellor of the Exchequer: Gordon Brown
Gets my vote for pure fiction… and for Gordon, the only way is up… isn’t it??
So how about your fanatasy cabinet? Who gets your vote?
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About Elaine SturgessElaine Sturgess helps people get their perfect kitchen, from custom made splashbacks to custom kitchen storage, she has a the kitchen apps you desire. My Kitchen Store
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22 Responses to My alternative cabinet #ge2010
All that jazz – All in A Day
Review of: Cousin Alice Jazz Music by Cousin Alice: Elaine Sturgess Reviewed by: Elaine Sturgess Rating: 5 On January 21, 2012 Last modified: January 30, 2012 Summary: What makes Alice so distinctive is her wonderfully smokey voice, a quality that furniture designer William Yeoward found so arresting at a concert she was performing for the [...]
Are you following @GeneHunt on Twitter? He is fabulous.
Education: Julie Walters?
Twitter: Linda_Mattacks
Who do I think should be the next lot of cabinet ministers? First, Aggie MacKenzie for Home Secretary to clean things up properly.
Foreign Secretary – Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses, as he speaks French.
Minister for the Arts – Denis Waterman, as he's a great actor and not a bad singer
Minister for Trade & Industry – Bob the Builder
Will work on the list and get back with some more later!
(Great post, Elaine – are you offering a prize for the best suggestion??)
Until next time … “bonjour…”
Twitter: SuzeStMWrites
Haha! Bob’s a serious candidate!
Love the suggestion of a prize: cos although I haven’t got a cabinet, I have got the knobs!!
So here you go, half a dozen of these knobs (we’ll call it the Dimpleby;) ) for the best suggestion :
http://www.mykitchenstore.co.uk/productdetail.asp?catID=010&subCatID=101&prodID=1160&prodGroup=356
Tee hee. Thanks for the response Suze and look forward to the list later!
Elaine, I laughed so much when I read this in the schedule :0) I was getting bored with the election until this come along. I should have mentioned bonnie Prince Charlie for the Environment minister, he would be fab
The department for women would have to be shared between our Birds, Ann G, Jane H and guest blogger Majjie. they will kick everything into touch relating to women
Haha, Suze, Bob's a serious candidate!
Love the suggestion of a prize, 'cos although I haven't got a cabinet, I have got the knobs!!
So here we go, half a dozen of these (we'll cal them the Dimpleby's
) for the best suggestion:
http://www.mykitchenstore.co.uk/productdetail.a…
Look forward to seeing the list later!
Arrrggghhh, not Jeremy Clarkson, please
Has to be Jamie Oliver (with a adash of Heston Blumenthal) for Ministry of Food – I mean. he's already volunteered and they don't like him in America, do they?
Brilliant idea for Michelle of the Resistance though, and Gene Hunt.
I hate to tell you this, Ann, but there is already a serious campaign promoting Jezza for PM.
I hate to come over all Phil Collins about anything…but really, that would be the last straw
Oh , and can we have Brian Cox for Science please
Brilliant. I'd like to see Basil Fawlty in there somewhere…immigration?
Basil gets my vote alongside Gene.
Great post Elaine, needed smile today.
I reckon it should be Basil Fawlty for Minister of Tourism….
Twitter: SuzeStMWrites
LOL, Elaine, really loved the idea of Dell boy being in charge of enterprise. How about the Mitchell boys in charge of the Home office/Police or James May in charge of Agriculture/food science
A few more ideas for Secretaries of State jobs…come on guys, we need even more!
Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs – Nigella Lawson (Shadow – Worzel Gummidge)
Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills – Lord Baden-Powell (Shadow – Rodney Trotter)
Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families – Wackford Squeers (Shadow – Roman Polanski? OK, maybe that's not funny.)
Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change – Michael Fish (Shadow – George W Bush)
Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport – Victoria Beckham (Shadow – David Beckham)
Secretary of State for Wales – Catherine Zeta Jones (Shadow – Charlotte Church)
Secretary of State for Defence – Bruce Lee (Shadow – Chris Eubank)
Secretary of State for Work and Pensions – Paris Hilton (Shadow – Cheryl Cole-soon-to-be-Tweedy-again)
Twitter: SuzeStMWrites
Seconded!
Thirded!
My suggestions:
Secretary of State of Education – Stephen Fry (aided by the rest of the QI team)
Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs – John Craven (or is he overqualified?)
Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families – Jo Frost (Supernanny)
Home Secretary – Louis Theroux
Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport – Jimmy Saville
Chancellor of the Exchequer – Chris Tarrant
The Mitchell Boys – inspired Ida !!
Suze, you're on fire! Lots of top nominations, but my fave so far is Bruce Lee for Defence!
Louis Theroux, inspired choice there. I want him for Prime Minister!
If that were really the case, I could be tempted back to the Uk to vote!
Twitter: nikkipilkington