Primary issues
As a working mum, I have felt extremely lucky to have had an employer who was flexible enough to offer me school hours (and term time only, which has been an incredible blessing). However, all that is likely to change soon due to my office relocating to the North East.
This got me thinking about what on earth I do next – do I look for a job with more conventional hours? How would I work 
this around my 8 and 12 year old children? This thinking has led me on to reflecting on how previous generations dealt with this situation….. basically, you were either a stay at home mum or a latch-key kid.
I remember my own mother working at various times, but more to the point, I recall my sister and I walking home alone from primary school from a pretty young age. Did this do us any harm? Well, apart from one unpleasant occasion, no I don’t believe it did. Talking to a friend from the generation before who was a latch-key kid from the time he started school at 5, he certainly doesn’t feel it was detrimental to his childhood, although it has to be said, his was somewhat unconventional anyway (alcoholic mum, long-hour working dad). But there were no alternatives – his parents had to work to keep the roof over their head, end of!
So, at what age to we loosen, if not altogether cut, the apron strings?
There is no legal set age where it is OK to leave a child home alone.
Everything depends on the individual child being mature enough to be left and knows what to do in the case of an emergency. It is considered an offence though to leave a child alone when doing so puts the child at risk.
The NSPCC recommends that no child under the age of 16 be allowed to babysit children. Does this mean that it would be frowned upon to ask a 15 year old to babysit a sibling? I’m sure I was younger than that when I started babysitting and I loved it – the children were almost always in bed anyway and I got to watch whatever I liked on tv AND get a few quid into the bargain! Yet, as I understand it, these days if I put them into a council registered after school club, I could get help with the costs through the current tax credit system. Whilst this might be a help financially, is it to the detriment of allowing our children to grow up?
Referring back to my own situation, my eldest child has just turned 12. He started at senior school last September and since then has been catching a bus home from school each day – surely this is the start of children learning to become independent? To clarify, I am home when he gets in, but would it do him any harm to come home to an empty house – albeit a somewhat unpleasant thought for my part at least – thus making him a latchkey kid.
My son can be sensible and mature so I have no qualms about leaving him at home if I to pop to the shops or pick my daughter up from Brownies, and he almost seems to revel in being given the responsibility and trust from me. This having been said, he does on occasion text me or call me to find out how long I will be. Does this make me a good or a bad parent? Personally, I’d like to think I am encouraging him to find his independence – he evens likes to pop to the shop on his bike for me sometimes now to get milk and such like (in return for pocket money, of course!) – didn’t we do this as kids?
Mary DW
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11 Responses to Primary issues
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There was an interesting statistic on Child of Our Time last year that showed in the last 30 years the distance from home a pre-teen child was allowed to venture on their own has shrunk by 90%. As a generation of parents we are much more scared and more protective than our parents were and in addition the roads are much busier now than when we were children.
I walked to school by myself from the age of 9, my son aged 10 doesn't, but I intend to start him doing so from September. He will have three busy roads to cross in order to do so, but in his case his problem is more likely to be dawdling than anything else! My 8 year old daughter is happy to pottle around local shops on her own as long as she knows I am in a nearby shop. I am happy that I don't have to wait ages for her to choose which toy to buy!
As you say, it depends on the personality of the child in question, but as parents we have to stretch their boundaries without putting them in danger or in a position where they do not feel confident to deal with it.
I know what you mean Maggie. Mind you the recent news about a pair of young children cycling to school, both primary age – youngest I think was 5, in London shocked me to my core. Whilst walking is one option, I fear for little ones riding bikes, presumably on the road and especially in the big city!
As a parent my best ability is to 'train' my children to be independent and confident, as well as curious about their surroundings.
My Eldest is nearly 15, she has walked to School since she was 8, it was 500 yards and I could see her from the kitchen window. Many school run mums were angry with me for allowing her to do this, but I didnt think I was doing her any favours by keeping her ties to my apron strings.
The little ones are 3 miles from their school and when they get to 9 and 10 I see no reason why they shouldn't cycle to school. I can't teach them to be safe if I never let them on the roads or learn to assess risk.
My 9 year old (well, 10 yesterday actually!) has been walking the half mile to his primary school on his own for the past term. He loves it, and the independent feeling it gives him. There is a safe pedestrian crossing in view of the house, and I walked that route on my own (he goes to my old school now) or with friends every day from the age of 7. There was no pedestrian crossing then, either.
I'm all for appropriate child safety, but it's all too easy nbow for our kids to have no clue whatsoever how to make decisions about their own safety as they are all made for them.
I feel very strongly that my role as a mother is to train my children for independence. Bob walked himself to and from school (500 yards away) from age 6, and I took a lot of flack from some quarters, though he was keen to do it. One of my more nervous friends actually dragged him across the (quiet side) road because she said he was too terrified to do so. Yeah, right, Beata. I don't think he was the scared one that day!
I agree entirely with Sarah Arrow that putting our children in cotton wool does them no favours at all. I am satisfied that my two independent and self-reliant kids have the nous to deal with risky situations. Unlike Bob's friend who lives 100 yards from school and NEVER walked to or from there without his mum, who didn't think he could. Yet this September he'll be getting the train into town, crossing to the bus station etc to get to his grammar school.
As it happens, his mum died suddenly last winter, and Matt's dad had to let Matt get to and from school on his own, because he had a full time job and two other kids to look after as well. It turns out, there was never really a problem, apart from overprotection.
All children are much more capable than we usually allow them to be.
Mary, my immediate reaction to that case was also shock, but the more I read about it, the clearer it was that the parents had done the risk assessment and gone through the route and various emergency situations with them. I'm all for trusting parents who have done the thinking.
I think as parents if we do try to mollycoddle our kids, they soon tell us where to get off. When my son was about 15 he planned to go into London directly from school (which was 20 miles from home), meet up with some friends, then get the train back to our city afterwards.
I duly researched the train times from the station near his school, which Underground stations he had to use, etc., and wrote it all out carefully for him.
When he got back later that night I asked him if my directions were OK. “Well,” he snuffled, “actually I found it was cheaper to get a bus to (nearby town) and get the tube into London direct from there. Your way was too expensive and would have taken too long.”
Sure put me in my place, right?
Twitter: SuzeStMWrites
Hi Mary
The interest (from comments, anyway) seems to have picked up on the going-to-and-from-school alone aspect rather than home-alone one.
As a kid I walked to school alone several times from aged 5 onwards. Initially Mum was at home but the entrance to the infant school was less than 100 yards away. By the time I walked the half mile or more (haven't a clue what the distance was) to junior school I'd have been mortified to have been accompanied by an adult – it was bad enough if a sister was with me.
Senior school was a bus ride away and, as far as I recall, Mum was working full time by then, up from the part time of the previous four years.
I have one sister who's a year older and another who's 5 years older. It was pot luck who got home first from which school so I guess by today's oh-so-bl**dy PC standards Mum could have been on dodgy ground any day of the week and every Saturday morning for years.
We took turns to go to the launderette, do the weekly shop and the housework in return for our pocket money (which was peanuts even for those days, really). But I don't think any of it did us any harm… though others may argue
…
Twitter: Linda_Mattacks
Home alone for my kids has always been 10 or 20 minutes from 8 onwards. Jessica babysits her sisters and has done for the last year. 2 or 3 hours at a time. She is a mature and sensible girl – more so than many kids who are older than her. She shouldn't have it dictated by external agencies whether she can bond with her sisters or earn some pocket money, parents know their kids best and know their capabilities.
We all know kids, especially girls around the 14+ age like the babysitting to earn some money and often have younger siblings themselves, and are very good with children. Then you have 20 somethings, only kids themselves, with a baby and totally clueless, but hey – that's ok, they are an adult
Oh well, I guess Birds and visitors in general are unlikely to be picking up PC badges or awards in the foreseeable future…
Twitter: Linda_Mattacks