Trust me Mr Cameron, marriage isn’t about tax relief
This week I’ll be celebrating my 11th wedding anniversary. It’s a big celebration for the two of us, because like most people in a relationship, we’ve faced our own individual ups and downs from dealing with the clash of social/cultural backgrounds, to having a child with learning difficulties and life in general. But through it all, we’ve stayed together.
So when I read Mr David Cameron’s proposed tax relief for married couples, really, I should’ve been thinking “fantastic”.
- Image via Wikipedia
But somehow, it seemed to have the opposite effect on me.
It seemed to diminish the concept of marriage and also excluded the reality that having a marriage certificate just wasn’t possible or practical for a lot of people who still might embrace the core essence of what ‘being together’ is all about.
So, in response to your proposed policy Mr Cameron, I’d like to say…..
Marriage is not just a certificate
It’s an expression
And then, it’s about finding the money to pay for that expression.
Marriage is about discovering…
About learning
About love!
It’s also about having rip roaring fights that can destroy you,
And then finding the words to say sorry
It’s about enjoying the making up just as much as you enjoyed the fight.
Marriage is about realising that happily ever after was only what Mommy told you,
That life throws you the unexpected and you either sink or float.
It’s about allowing one chapter of your life to die, while giving birth to another.
About having sleepless nights over who’s going to look after your children whilst you’re at work.
It goes hand in hand with daily debates on who’s going to do the dishes and/or take the kids to school
And frantically holding on to jobs while scraping around to make ends meet.
It’s about hoping your kids have a better life and finding a way to provide that.
It’s about hating when you’re hurt
And loving when you’re not
About laughing
And crying
And doing all of the above together.
About discussing divorce/separation (whatever you want to call it) but never following it up.
About knowing that at the end of the day, when all of the above is done and you collapse worn out, depleted, tired and ugly – you are not alone.
Marriage is not about a certificate.
A certificate doesn’t give you the authority to live.
Money can’t and won’t make people tie the knot or stay together as you think Mr Cameron because,
Marriage cannot be bought…
And neither can our votes.
About Sarah ArrowSarah Arrow is the managing editor of Birds on the Blog, in real life she is the communications director of a same day courier service. She is an enthusiastic UK based pro-blogger and co- author of the soon to be published Zero to Blogger
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31 Responses to Trust me Mr Cameron, marriage isn’t about tax relief
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You raise and interesting point there, Bian. Politicians hold on to the Edwardian view that marriage means security and respectability, and that by giving married couples a tax break it will motivate them a) to get married in the first place and then b) stay together.
Where they have got it wrong, though, is – as you suggest – that these days people no longer regard marriage as a means of gaining financial and social security; it’s something you do as an emotional expression. In the 21st century you do not need to be married to have a meal ticket for life, or be respected in your community.
These politicians would do better to spend their time and effort working towards proper financial and social security – e.g. make sure the banks don’t go down the toilet again….
Twitter: SuzeStMWrites
Hi Suze
I only just saw these comments – hence the late reply. Agree with you wholeheartedly. I am so sick of politicians waving these supposed carrots in front of us without actually doing what they should be doing in the first place!
B
You raise and interesting point there, Bian. Politicians hold on to the Edwardian view that marriage means security and respectability, and that by giving married couples a tax break it will motivate them a) to get married in the first place and then b) stay together.
Where they have got it wrong, though, is – as you suggest – that these days people no longer regard marriage as a means of gaining financial and social security; it’s something you do as an emotional expression. In the 21st century you do not need to be married to have a meal ticket for life, or be respected in your community.
These politicians would do better to spend their time and effort working towards proper financial and social security – e.g. make sure the banks don’t go down the toilet again….
Twitter: SuzeStMWrites
Hi Suze
I only just saw these comments – hence the late reply. Agree with you wholeheartedly. I am so sick of politicians waving these supposed carrots in front of us without actually doing what they should be doing in the first place!
B
Hear, hear, Bian
Apart from the fact that the benefit is really very small at the end of the day, a marriage will either work or it won’t – any possible tax advantage is really not going to be a part of any decisions that may need to be made should a marriage be in trouble, and most certainly should not be within the reasons for getting married – perish that thought.
I have to admit that this particular initiative by the Conservatives has put me off, somewhat. Before I was sure to vote for them, but if they’re going to come up with such notions as this, I’m not so sure now.
And Bian – I love the way you describe marriage – oh that it was such for us all – how happy we could all be.
Twitter: babssaul
Thanks Babs. 11 years and suddenly jobless, I am finding that actually we seem to better at dealing with crises than with daily routine! I’ll do an update in 11 years time and let’s see if we’re still on the same track…
B
Hear, hear, Bian
Apart from the fact that the benefit is really very small at the end of the day, a marriage will either work or it won’t – any possible tax advantage is really not going to be a part of any decisions that may need to be made should a marriage be in trouble, and most certainly should not be within the reasons for getting married – perish that thought.
I have to admit that this particular initiative by the Conservatives has put me off, somewhat. Before I was sure to vote for them, but if they’re going to come up with such notions as this, I’m not so sure now.
And Bian – I love the way you describe marriage – oh that it was such for us all – how happy we could all be.
Twitter: babssaul
Thanks Babs. 11 years and suddenly jobless, I am finding that actually we seem to better at dealing with crises than with daily routine! I’ll do an update in 11 years time and let’s see if we’re still on the same track…
B
Good post! Marriage is not something Governments of any hue can push along. Our decision to marry in 1977 had nothing to do with money or security or religion or family pressure; it was about love and wanting to shout it from the roof tops. Still is I am happy to say.
Twitter: JaneCWoods
Good post! Marriage is not something Governments of any hue can push along. Our decision to marry in 1977 had nothing to do with money or security or religion or family pressure; it was about love and wanting to shout it from the roof tops. Still is I am happy to say.
Twitter: JaneCWoods
Will a piece of paper and the promise of a few extra pence each week keep a couple or a family together if everything is ‘going to hell in a hand cart’? I doubt it!
How many years of married life would it take to offset the cost of getting that piece of paper in the first place?
But then he’s a politician – need we say more
?
Twitter: Linda_Mattacks
Will a piece of paper and the promise of a few extra pence each week keep a couple or a family together if everything is ‘going to hell in a hand cart’? I doubt it!
How many years of married life would it take to offset the cost of getting that piece of paper in the first place?
But then he’s a politician – need we say more
?
Twitter: Linda_Mattacks
Those who go into a marriage because of tax relief are doing it for the wrong reasons. I do know people in Canada who got married because of tax benefits and I can’t think of one that lasted.
There will always be people who do things because they get money from the government, whether that is having children so they get housing benefits or marriage because they get tax relief you are right that the majority do it because of other reasons.
Don’t think the government will learn.
Those who go into a marriage because of tax relief are doing it for the wrong reasons. I do know people in Canada who got married because of tax benefits and I can’t think of one that lasted.
There will always be people who do things because they get money from the government, whether that is having children so they get housing benefits or marriage because they get tax relief you are right that the majority do it because of other reasons.
Don’t think the government will learn.
The ‘bit of paper’ brings other benefits aside from cash. I saw it as an attempt to help couples starting out, a way of encouraging them to do things together instead being one of so many things that try to pull people apart.
Money can put a big strain in a marriage, and this I would hope is intended to help that. Single parents of course have a different set of strains and financial worries, and those need to be addressed to.
We need to remember that sometimes, as Bian says it’s making up that makes a marriage, and if it’s made easier to split up, a good marriage can be lost to convenience/ease of splitting up (not that my personal experience has ever indicated splitting up is easy!)
The ‘bit of paper’ brings other benefits aside from cash. I saw it as an attempt to help couples starting out, a way of encouraging them to do things together instead being one of so many things that try to pull people apart.
Money can put a big strain in a marriage, and this I would hope is intended to help that. Single parents of course have a different set of strains and financial worries, and those need to be addressed to.
We need to remember that sometimes, as Bian says it’s making up that makes a marriage, and if it’s made easier to split up, a good marriage can be lost to convenience/ease of splitting up (not that my personal experience has ever indicated splitting up is easy!)
Very nicely expressed, Bian. We’ll reach our 30th anniversary this year and certainly haven’t stayed hitched for the tax relief!
Congratulations Chris! It’s sooo good to hear the success stories for a change and it didn’t even need a bribe … hear that Mr Cameron
B
Very nicely expressed, Bian. We’ll reach our 30th anniversary this year and certainly haven’t stayed hitched for the tax relief!
Congratulations Chris! It’s sooo good to hear the success stories for a change and it didn’t even need a bribe … hear that Mr Cameron
B
We are coming up to our first wedded anniversary this sunday and there is no doubt in my mind that we did not do it for increased tax benefits that is for sure.
It is a commitment of loyalty, love and so many other things.
Being proud of watching someone grow and proud of what they become. Making sure that you look after that person as you would want to be looked after yourself.
Mr Cameron it is about companionship and understanding of one and another not money.
Dave
Congrats Dave…. I still remember my first, it’s pretty special… but then I think from the day you get married, if you keep it together, every anniversary can be… B
We are coming up to our first wedded anniversary this sunday and there is no doubt in my mind that we did not do it for increased tax benefits that is for sure.
It is a commitment of loyalty, love and so many other things.
Being proud of watching someone grow and proud of what they become. Making sure that you look after that person as you would want to be looked after yourself.
Mr Cameron it is about companionship and understanding of one and another not money.
Dave
Congrats Dave…. I still remember my first, it’s pretty special… but then I think from the day you get married, if you keep it together, every anniversary can be… B
I wonder if coming up with such an idea tells us anything about the state of his marriage….?;)
Twitter: presentations
I wonder if anyone asked his wife what SHE thought!
I wonder if coming up with such an idea tells us anything about the state of his marriage….?;)
Twitter: presentations
I wonder if anyone asked his wife what SHE thought!
I was surprised to hear that Mr Cameron wants to venture down this path. I recall the back to basics campaign and how that unraveled!
Oh well, maybe Mr Cameron knows something we don’t
Twitter: ethnicsupplies
I was surprised to hear that Mr Cameron wants to venture down this path. I recall the back to basics campaign and how that unraveled!
Oh well, maybe Mr Cameron knows something we don’t
Twitter: ethnicsupplies
i like this site want to dispel fears that the Tories are not doing enough to defend marriage. ..