What I’ve learnt from my father

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Yes, it’s father’s day this weekend and time to reflect on what whether there is a special relationship between a father and daughter.

I have a perfect specimen, a wonderful father who at the the sprightly age of 84 is enjoying a new lease of life in his new home.  Ok, he’s got a few aches and pains, his memory is not as good as it used to be [although he will deny this] and his constitution questionable but his determination and fortitude are as strong as ever.

Having been widowed over 25 years ago, he wakes alone, does his constitutional exercises and walks to collect his paper.  Once he has his paper he has his breakfast, the same one he has had for many many years, and enjoys the peace and tranquillity of his flat, stopping to observe his neighbours going about their daily ritual.  Yes, as he has matured, my father is a creature of habit and does not like or enjoy interruptions to his routine.

Now when I was a child [and I'm the middle of three] life was all about routine.  Dad went off to work rather early – he commuted for more than 60 years [but that's another story] and my mum picked him up from the station early evening. Once home, family life evolved with dinner round the table, household tasks and occasional interaction with my father.  He was there to hear our tales of daily school trivia, work problems and friendly squabbles. Was he interested? I don’t know but he appeared to listen and he usually gave his valued opinion.

And weekends were for sport.  He was playing or watching and we accompanied him.  First he played rugby for Sussex, then [after a broken leg] it was tennis, squash [before the heart-attack on court], golf and cricket.  I loved watching the games he played in and once we had TV, watching sport on the box – so much better than the radio commentaries we listened to on wet Sunday afternoons.  In summer, if there was no cricket we would go with friends’ families to the park and the beach and end up playing French cricket or rounders.  Great family games to be enjoyed by all.  My father loved competing and playing sport with others.  He watched our matches, encouraged us in all we did and played with us when he could.

Our household was very traditional, as I said, Dad went to work in London, Mum looked after us children and we had very strict boundaries.  Breaking the rules was not really an option, the consequences were a stern lecture about respect, tolerance and reasoning. That’s not to say everything was perfect.  My siblings and I did not always get along [that's an understatement] and despite encouragement, all three of us left school at an early age with only my brother attempting A levels.

I broke my back when I was nine, and Dad’s patience and understanding of his young bed-ridden daughter was often pushed to the limits. But he remained calm and often humorous regaling me with stories of people who had overcome adversity, were worse off them I was and who were achieving greater things.

One of his best qualities which I have witnessed over the years is his integrity.  He’s also a very loyal and caring friend.  Some of his friends have known him for 65 years or more.  He spends his time visiting and helping them as they might not be as active as he is.

His messages, some subliminal, were about keeping a stiff upper lift, pursuing goals and achieving what you wanted, aiming high and succeeding and never turning round when you were driving could be lost.  Of course, his strong work ethic has stuck with all of us in the family – he retired officially just 3 years ago but he still ‘does the books’ for my brother’s business because he has a very active mind, and he likes to be busy.

Dad lost his brother in the war, he lost my mother when he was in his prime and us children had not long  left home.  Shortly after that he supported me and my 2 daughters in our bereavement.  Yes, I had to keep a stiff upper lip and mirror his example and ‘carry on’ but his presence and unequivocal support meant that I had someone to share my problems with.

Although he’s not one to tell us to our faces, I know we have made him proud with all our achievements, he revels in regaling the antics of his grand-children and great-grand-children to all who will listen but best of all he recounts to his oldest and dearest friends how he enjoys what his daughters and son are doing now.

More recently he’s had to cope with changing his diet with the onset of Type 2 Diabetes.  Old habits die hard, he still has cake and biscuits in the kitchen to offer any visitors that arrive unexpectedly.

Is he prepared to learn more things? Of course he is.  The fact his grand children are spread over the world and his great grand child enjoys Skype means he has to embrace some new technology and, horror of horrors, ‘go on-line’.  Yes, he’s prepared to explore and accept this new fangled machine that can keep him in touch with those that mean so much to him.  And 5pm in the afternoons, yes, he’s on Skype with 2 year old listening and watching to him say “Poppa, I miss you”…

Yes he can be cantankerous, brusque and belligerent but, hey he’s 84 why shouldn’t he expect everything to be done properly, everyone be respectful and things to go smoothly?

If things are out of sync, I can understand that it’s unsettling and occasionally confusing.

A daily phone call, a bi-weekly vist and meal together and shared days out are not too much to demand. I also enjoy my time with him, hearing stories of his past, catching up with his new friends and understanding his current needs.  He’s my dad after all.  He gave me so much, I want to follow his example and it’s my time to give to him. I’m proud to be his daughter and to help him when I can.

Thanks for being so special for me ~I love you Dad; enjoy your day. x

Lynn
http://assessment4potential.tel/

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About Lynn Tulip
Lynn Tulip is a career management and HR professional running her own HR consultancy. Her passion is working with individuals, helping them rekindle their work passion. Read the newly published Get That Job, the art of successful job hunting.. Apart from loving food and fitness, she enjoys her ever growing family. Find her online or follow her @LynnTulip and @A4P_HR
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