Where to pin your dreams
I enjoyed Anita’s post earlier about a dream list and realising your dreams. Most of us have dreams – from small, achievable aspirations to grand fantasies of castles in the clouds, handsome men on white horses, and all that… Something I’ve noticed though, certainly with myself, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this, is that we too often pin our dreams to someone else and their dream, or our dream needs another person as a part of that dream.
- Image by saturn ♄ via Flickr
Now I’m talking as a single mum here, so no longer have a partner to want to share my dreams with – and I most certainly did until I realised it was just my dream and he actually had stopped dreaming years ago – but that’s for another blog, when I can bear it.
Sharing dreams is lovely and can surely make that dream all the more achievable and glorious in its dreaming.
But…
I’ve been thinking of late (perhaps more than is natural for a person, but there you go) – when I lost my mojo for a bit and I don’t operate too well without it. Before that lull in my enthusiasm, the last time my spirit lifted and my enthusiasm was piqued was at the idea of retiring to France with my sister – we would get the kids sorted, grown and off on their own life adventures, then move to some unsuspecting village in France, in our own homes (heaven forfend we live together – I’d give that a week 
) and live la belle vie. Which would be great fun and who knows, it may happen. But I do get a tad carried away with ideas (as friends and aforementioned sister know well) and realised that my sister’s dream could well change. She is far more likely than me to find a new chap and sail into the sunset with him. Or I may choose to live my days in the third world, doing what I can to make lives better. Anything can indeed happen, and as someone that knows this from experience I was a bit surprised that I was quick to pin my dream to another. There’s no doubt some psychological reason behind that but I can’t be bothered looking at that, but will instead curb myself and not get so downhearted when that pesky thing called life threatens to get in the way of our dreams.
Not that I won’t dream – when I consider my own ambitions just for me, I’m far more sensible, oddly enough. Hmm – well that’ll do for me baring whatever oddity of my psyche this is all about – what about you and your dreams – are they in your control or do they depend on someone else?
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6 Responses to Where to pin your dreams
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In her shoes is a series of anonymous posts from women in business, sharing their experience. In your comments you are asked to answer the question – What would you do in her shoes? My story began 9 months ago; it is a story of self-realisation, friendship, love and betrayal. After 11 years at home [...]
Interesting thoughts, but the beauty of dreams, aims and aspirations is that they can change. France has been my dream for a good while now, although that is with me as an aging singleton in mind – think Ladies In Lavender, me Judi Dench though Babs!
Until such time as things change, this dream will do very nicely thank you and yes, when either of us are down, it is a wonderful pick me up and always seems to work.
Your dreams are your own, no one can take them away from you, they can have an impact on them changing, but always for the better
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I have to say, Babs, the idea that your dreams usually hinge on someone else does not surprise me in the least.
I have a (completely unproven) theory that women who are very focussed on living life for the benefit of (note, I did not say “through”) their children or partner are more likely to have dreams which are primarily for the benefit of someone else.
Anyway, I’m an unreconstructed egotist, so my dreams are all for MY benefit, thank you very much!
Although my 9 year old has kindly offered for me to live with him when he has a house. I said he might want to check that living arrangement with his future wife before making such plans!!
One of the most telling signs my marriage to my ex was not quite right was my transference of dreams. Kev and I had the retirement dream of traveling route 66 on our Harleys. I mentioned in passing to my then hubby that it was about time we started looking at getting some big bike lessons so we could do this (he’s older than me). His reply – my retirement dream is to lay on a beach and get drunk, route 66 was yours and Kevin’s dream…
I don’t pin my dreams on anyone, I did for while because that was what they wanted. It just left me in an ungodly mess. The good news is I now have the right husband with the right retirement dream…
Er why are we waiting for retirement? What’s wrong with some big fat juicy dreams for right now? If they’re always in the future will they ever happen???
Twitter: Linda_Mattacks
I’m not thinking of retirement in the conventional sense, Linda – more when the kids are grown and my time is all my own again.
But you are right – do it now – one reason for me moving home so soon after last time – realising a few smaller dreams that I can achieve now.
Twitter: babssaul