Who are you calling a “lady”?
Ladies, Women, Females are some of the more formal things we are called. Am not sure I like any of them, but people do like their labels, it makes them feel comfortable. We all know what someone means when they say “she’s a real lady” or “she’s no lady” and I do feel like yelling at the top of my voice, NEITHER AM I!!!! Whenever someone says lady, I think of David Walliams saying “I am a Lay-Dee you know”, and I simply am not a Lay-Dee. In fact I have had a grudge against “Lady” every since Tramp handed over his heart over a bowl of spaghetti in the Disney movie.
- Image via Wikipedia
Recently I asked a dear friend of ours Chris Lodge to write a guest blog about women and driving and he sent the post back entitled lady drivers. Hmmm I thought, I know Chris very well and he means no harm when he says lady drivers BUT I don’t actually call myself a lady driver. You say lady drivers and in my mind up pops Jessica Tandy in her cotton frock and sun hat, carrying a basket to do her shopping in. So I asked the opinion of the rest of the Birds and immediately Nikki Pilkington came back with “more searches are done for women drivers” so I dropped Chris a line and said can we change the title to women drivers, and he said sure. Blinding stuff having an SEO expert on the team.
When naming the site, there was a small bit of discussion in the early days and I forget who suggested it be called Boobs on the Blog, at the time I found the suggestion funny, but as we delve further into gender stereotyping it’s not as funny as I thought, you see there are a few men out there who can’t see past them. Them being our boobs. I never noticed this until I gained a chest after my eldest was born, and then I noticed more often than not I was not looked in the eye. Angie Taylor dropped by the other week and her T Shirt said it all “Stop looking at my ******* tits” in 2 inch high letters. Does it work I said. Nah she replied. Won’t be getting one of those then 
We settled on Birds in the end as you can see for the name of our blog, I decided I was taking the word back, I would make it so that when Birds was used people would think women bloggers, more importantly that they would understand we are women with businesses, supporting each other through blogging. So far so good, but still much more work to be done.
Blokes, they really don’t know what to term us these days do they? It’s a double edged sword, are we females, are we women, are we ladies? They just can’t get it right and the trouble with women is, they are all 20 years old than me. Yes, that’s right when I hear the word women, I don’t apply it to myself, quite clearly they mean someone older than me. It has yet to occur to me I am now old enough to actually be a woman after all, but it still doesn’t rest easy with me.
Without calling the gender police, what can we be called these days?
PS many thanks to Barbara Saul who started this blog post before I moved her across to become the editor of Blokes on the Blog, Good luck kicking the blokes into touch 
they don’t mind being called blokes do they?
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About Sarah ArrowSarah Arrow is the managing editor of Birds on the Blog, in real life she is the communications director of a same day courier service. She is an enthusiastic UK based pro-blogger and co- author of the soon to be published Zero to Blogger
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13 Responses to Who are you calling a “lady”?
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Really interesting.
In the “olden days” we would refer to Fowler’s Modern English Usage to guide us. If I remember clearly. A Lady was a titled woman. A woman was the correct term to use with regard to the female of the human species. I still abhor the word female used instead of woman. Or male for man. To me it denatures our humanity. I know that language evolves, but why do we have to remove it’s beauty or accuracy?
It’s odd there is of course an equivalent for men, it’s “gentleman” a phrase still used in it’s shortened form more often in the expression “a true gent”, which when I hear it makes me think “well mannered, puts others first, well dressed” and a picture in my head of a bowler hat or a shooting stick!
I could quite like the idea of being called a gent, but not sure I ever classify as well dressed!
Fantastic blog! I detest being called a lady. There is an implication that all adult females are women, but that a “lady” is somehow different and better than just being a woman. Better how? More feminine? Why is more feminine better? Behaves herself – by which I mean behaves in a way which women are “supposed” to behave? Who decides? And why is one behaviour more “lady-like” than another?
I'm not usually fussed about the words too much – I'm more interested in how people are treated than what label we give them. But the word “lady” really grates. I abhor the thought that there is a way a woman is supposed to behave, and if she does she is better than other women and earns the label lady. Horrible.
The image that the word lady conjures up in my mind is a woman who doesn't swear, doesn't smoke or drink, doesn't have opinions on anything controversial, dresses in a very feminine way (think flowers, chiffon, hats, gloves), doesn't really enjoy sex very much but puts up with it with a smile for her man's benefit, is interested in recipes, knitting, flower arranging etc. There's nothing wrong with women who fit that description, but it's a million miles away from a description of me, and I don't think the woman I've described is better than other women at all.
Twitter: evenbreak
That is exactly how imagine a lady behaves Jane, thankfully I am not one – I have only just got used to being an “Essex girl”.
I wonder if we'll get any men comment and tell us what they call us?
calling me woman is a bit harsh, girl a bit too girlie, madam is too formal, lady is over the top…. if they want to refer to me formally lets be Ms. suhad but i prefer to be Suhad.
however i am a woman who is a girl/female as in gender… so why we object??
i think lady in the British culture has certain link to certain class and expectations, is that right?
now, if some one is referring to me without knowing my name by saying: ''that woman'' it has a feel of accusation or insult. if they say: ''this lady'' there is a detachment and coldness…. what is the safest term to use??
in the arab world people will not call me suhad as i am married and have kids, they will address me as ''sarah's mother'' as she is the eldest. which i truly dont like it makes me feel sooooooo old and very old fashion. some people in UK address me as Mrs. Brown which i even hate more.
so better to stick to our names………..
Oh yes Jane, that's a fab desciption of a lady. There's a class whiff about it too, isn't there, Lord and Lady. The only thing I'd add is the propensity to projectile vomit when anything vaguely distasteful confronts one, a la Little Britain. I'm definitely a Lady.
I'm also a woman, but in all honesty, probably only a half woman (or maybe three quarters). I couldn't possibly be “all woman” because I assume that would almost certainly mean having bigger boobs and wearing “f**k me” shoes. (Sorry 'bout the swearin' boss, I know that's not very lady-like :/ )
Well I'm certainly no lady if Jane's definition is correct! Although I'm still in shock over being a 'woman' rather than a 'girl', and getting called Madame all the time here in France does make me feel old.
Can't I just be a Nikki?
Twitter: nikkipilkington
Well I'm certainly no lady if Jane's definition is correct! Although I'm still in shock over being a 'woman' rather than a 'girl', and getting called Madame all the time here in France does make me feel old.
Can't I just be a Nikki?
Twitter: nikkipilkington
In my younger days, I used to make a point of objecting to being called a “lady”. I also used to react to being called a “girl” … but then more important things distracted me – like having to earn a living.
I used to say that ladies were public conveniences – or titled women – or women who behaved how men wanted them too … and that we should all be called women. Of course, some of the sisterhood wanted us to be called “wimmin” to avoid any identification with men … womon, in the singular … but that never took off.
These days I answer to anything. I even call other women ladies. Saying “this lady” sounds so much more polite than “this woman”. There really should be a female version of bloke or chap … but there isn't. “This bird” doesn't sound quite right either …
Amanda Vlahakis commented via Jane Hatton's Facebook Link:
“I don't object to being called a lady or a woman, neither have particularly negative connotations for me.
However I have recently been called a 'girl', and this I find rather strange, as at 36, with two children and my first divorce from a 13yr marriage looming up on me. As such I feel I'm well into the realm of 'woman' and the 'girl' I may have once been I feel is many years behind me and that term cannot possibly be applied to me.
Interesting question: at what age do we think one becomes too old to be called at 'girl'? Or is it more about experience + age?
I tried to post this on the blog itself, but it kept asking for a valid email address even though I was putting a valid one in!”
This is a difficult one, isn't it? It does feel a bit aging to be called a woman, lady is a bit too feminine and refined for me.
I'm with Nikki, I think – although I suppose it would be weasier if you just call me Ann
I don't have any issue with whatever term people want to use for me. I've even been known to refer to other women as “birds” and got very puzzled looks from men who clearly thought “bird” was a derogatory term!
But, like Suhad says, what people call ME does bother me. I hate it when people call me Mrs Gaherty, because that lady is my mother in law, not me, in my opinion. And what's really interesting is that you are known either by your husband's name or your position as the mother of your children. Why do women have no position of their own?? That drives me mad.
So call me Morag, please. And I'm a woman, a lady, a bird or a girl, as you wish.
In the grand scheme of things I really can't get het up about it.
Personally, I think it's quite nice if, say you're about to get missed in a queue and someone helpfully says “I think this lady was was before me” rather than “She was was first”: But however it's said, at the end of the day, it's just a nice (and probably rare) demonstration of manners.
I'm much more interested in the intent and the tone.
Twitter: Linda_Mattacks